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Your Worst Moment

Does Not Have To Define You

Yvette Bodden

June 30, 2022

About a decade ago, depression reared its ugly head into my life…

Life, post-divorce, was mentally grueling. 

The pain of losing love, marriage, and an identity dragged me down a rabbit hole; it temporarily stole my energy and happiness then trapped me in a web of gloom. 

I believed the sun was shining on everyone else except me… Night after night, sadness brought me to my knees, until loneliness swallowed me whole. Joy was not a friend and the worst part? I had no idea how to get those things back. 

According to the World Health Organization, close to 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

If you or someone you know has suffered from it, you know the feeling of anguish that comes with this illness… Sadness, frustration, anxiety, and isolation overwhelm the mind to the point of despair; emotional weight that feels like a thousand boulders, pressing against your spirit. Darkness rests on the souls of its victims for days, weeks, months, or years. Living in a place where there is no light makes it hard to breathe. 

Life-changing events can be a time to rejoice. 

Marriage, having a baby, or making a move that you have planned is a dream come true. However, a loss will shake the foundation that grounds you. It makes you question everything you believe in – including yourself. Divorce, abrupt unemployment, and death can be devastating. 

Sometimes, the agony will instill doubt in our ability to keep going, but the beauty of the human spirit is that it shines brightest when the power of resilience comes through. We can rise from the murkiest waters to become the person we’re meant to be, as I learned, years ago. 

After my separation of marriage became official, hopelessness took over. 

Loneliness followed every corner of my mind. As I mourned my old life, I felt like a piece of me died, each day. Failure, disappointment, and dreams vanished all at once. The things that I used to take pleasure in, became mundane. I’d look in the mirror and see the bony figure standing before me…

I didn’t like the person I’d see in the mirror looking back at me. 

The outside perception was that I was OK. But the truth… was that I was drowning in sorrow. 

Sometimes, the suffering drove me to question my existence. This woman wanted to end it all, stop the torment. I was at my worst, but sometimes it only takes one instant to be reminded of what is really important in life…

The skies were blue and the sun was shining; a picturesque summer day that brought smiles to all those in its rays. Despite the radiant Saturday, blackout curtains dressed my room and laying in bed all day was the mood. 

My young child had been quietly playing until about 2:00pm then she walked into my bedroom. I heard a faint little voice, “Mommy, please wake up… Open the curtains… I am hungry”. It felt like my spirit returned to my body, forcing me to wake up. The following morning, I called a therapist for help with my depression and it changed everything for the better. 

My depressive episode was a pivotal point in my evolution.

Overcoming it made me stronger. It also helped to understand that in my despair, I was only thinking about myself in a single frame, but life is about more, it’s about a collection of them. Everything we go through physically, mentally, and spiritually belongs to the human experience and has purpose. We’ve all had low points during this journey, but these moments don’t have to define us. 

The biggest mistake is thinking that we don’t have any power to change our circumstances when things go wrong. But if you can see the teachable moments in the challenges that arise, you can find the growth that’s meant to happen to help you get closer to becoming your highest self.

Reflection

  • If you’re going through a difficult or even devastating time right now, what aspects of your crucible might offer opportunities for you to rejoice?
  • Think back to a crucible you have moved beyond. Can you retrace the steps you went through to get where you are today? How can you use that information to help you when failure or setback strikes again?
  • How do you envision your “highest self?” What one small step can you take today to get you closer to that reality.

More About Yvette…

As the Founder and Author behind Awakened-Woman, a digital platform designed to inspire and invigorate females, author Yvette Bodden writes with endless empathy. In just two years, AW has amassed tens of thousands of followers, thanks to a combined 500+ articles centered around celebrity profiles, relationships, love, abuse, motherhood, and Latino culture, infused with a signature blend of her pragmatism and compassion. In 2021, she was named one of the “Bella Bosses We Admire” by Bella Magazine. You can learn more at www.awakened-woman.com

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